DO HARD THINGS
I remember the exact day when it happened. I am not sure what did it, but something clicked and I realised I was “selling myself short”. For whatever reason, I had put myself in a corner, the kind that has a sign above it with “not a fast runner” in shining bold letters. For years, I had been telling myself (what I have now come to realise were) a series of excuses.
Work is too important and all time consuming
I cannot afford to exercise as frequently as I would need to improve
I enjoy my social life too much
I am just not built for it and so on…
I am not sure if it was the borderline absurd amount of podcasts and youtube running related content I was consuming, or if it was a breakthrough after 100 sessions of therapy, or even the 3 days I spent on my own at a spa. It could have very well been a combination of it all mashed with the final countdown towards the London Marathon. But that week in March, when I got back to London, I told myself I would not just wing my Sunday Long Run. I would run it with intention. And I would give my body the best chance to do it. So Saturday night I went to bed early and on Sunday 17th I ran a 16K tempo averaging 9min/mile followed by a 5K cool down. The rain was relentless and my legs and lungs were throwing the best pity party, but I did it. And the feeling of breaking the mental barrier, I dare say more than the physical one, left no shadow of a doubt that something had shifted.
I’ve been calling it an epiphany since, but you could also say I got my running mojo back.
The End.
We’ve all been there. The highs of a really good day can be easily forgotten by the time morning comes. This was not it.
The road to the London Marathon stopped being the end of a chapter to become a prologue. I can’t quite describe how freeing that was. I get emotional thinking about the moment I voiced this out loud to my therapist. “It is like my life is just about to start”, in other words, the little frame on my kitchen counter that says “the best is yet to come” ceased to be an empty slogan.
If you’re reading this on my blog, you know I’ve done the talk, from Brene Brown’s references to the man in the arena - who keeps showing up and daring greatly - to James Clear’s “don’t aim to run a marathon, be a runner”. I had now bridged the gap and was finally ready to long run the walk. It’s only been a couple of months, but I can see the changes and I am absolutely loving the process.
I love how you can see the road ahead in my sunglasses reflection
This post was meant to be about the half marathon I ran last weekend, Saturday 18th May. But as it turns out, I started that half marathon on the 17th March. You can see a little video I did about last Saturday on my instagram reel. What drove me to run 21K in a foreign country, through towns I had never been to, completely on my own was one thought. What would the person I want to be do? When faced with the options of settling for what was easy and comfortable and what my innermost desires were gravitating towards, I chose to allow myself three hours filled by adventure, exploration, creativity and “Alonement” in its core - allowing myself to take my time to experience something in my own terms and loving it. I haven’t felt that level of excitement, happiness and accomplishment in a non-work related environment in many years, most likely since my early 20s.
The same energy that drove me to these two specific events is also what has led me to join a new running club and start weekly track sessions. And is what makes me finish (literally last) every 400m lap with the same joy of an Olympian who has just broken a world record. Because as cringe as it may sound, every time I push myself, it’s like I am ripping that comfort zone ribbon and winning gold. And as you know, we runners do love a good old medal.
